I Failed The Bar Exam: Intro

You know what me and Michelle Obama have in common? We both failed the bar exam the first time we took it.

Crazy, right? 

I will never forget the day I found out I’d failed the bar exam. I was at home by myself. I got the email that my results were in and immediately called my parents. After finally getting them on the call, I was sooooo excited. I just KNEW I passed. I’d managed to keep my faith at an all time high for like 3 months, I KNEW it was about to pay off. I’d watched all types of sermons (In fact EVERY sermon in Pastor Mike Todd’s #CrazyFaith series). I was feeding my faith and starving my doubts. I knew if it wasn’t gonna happen, it wasn’t gonna be because of MY faith! I was shaking in excitement when I scrolled through the list to see if my name was there. I’d gotten to the “C’s” and I realized my name wasn’t there with the “B’s.” I immediately went to my email and it confirmed my deepest FEAR...

I’d failed.

Not only had I failed, but I’d missed it by 2 points. 1....2 points. 

When I saw that I’d missed it by 2 points, I just broke down. I tried my best not to cry...but y’all it was like my chest caved in. I tried to reassure my parents on the other end of the phone call that I was alright, but as much as tried to hide my disappointment....my voice was too weak to hold any substance. I felt like my voice was a shell...nothing there.

My parents came home immediately and I just ugly cried. I couldn’t understand how that had happened. It wasn’t even the fact that I’d failed the exam (because honestly it was ridiculously hard and I would understand if I’d have failed)...it was the fact that I failed by 2 points. 

Why would God allow me to get so close only to fall? 

I couldn’t understand it, but after watching some messages and hearing encouraging words from my parents, just hours later I was back in the boxing ring figuring out how to reapply. 

Once I got all the emotions out the way, I immediately thought “Dang, this is about to be a dope blog that can really help somebody...”

I started praying and clear as day I heard “What happens when you need more than 1 stone? Would the miracle of David & Goliath still be as sweet if David missed on the first swing?”

I never really got an answer to that, but one can only assume that a 10ft Giant being slain by a small stone (either the 1st or the 2nd) would be amazing, right? 

Key: If first you don’t succeed, dust yourself off and try again. (I mean, you got at least 4 more stones...lol) *cue the music*

——-

I spent my time between getting my first results and taking the second exam just trying to make it. I spent a lot of time on church projects just trying to at least prove to myself that I was willing to trust God and still serve him despite my internal confusion. 

There were so many attacks against what I believed. How do you explain the “speak it” and it happens doctrine? How do you explain the “all you need is faith” mantra that Christians believe? I didn’t understand it and many nights I dealt with MAJOR skepticism. I didn’t know what I believed, but I knew I believed something...I guess. 

Key: How did I deal with unbelief? I was quiet. If you don’t understand, just say you don’t understand and leave it alone. Don’t entertain unbelief. Just leave it alone. Your flesh wants to find someone to blame...and if you’ve put a lot of faith in God, then it’ll want to blame God...but as a sane individual we know that’s not right. So, how to deal with unbelief? Just shut up. Sit back and shut up. 

——-

One of the most devasting parts about failing the exam was that I had a job lined up. The only thing stopping me from getting the job (from my viewpoint) was passing the bar. I’d already been offered the job, it was mine...I just had to wait for the bar stuff to get out the way.

...or so thought. 

A month or so after failing the bar, I’d gotten the job (they literally changed the qualifications of the job just to get me in-#BLESSING) and a raise that I didn’t even ask for (a raise that I wouldn’t have gotten had I passed the bar might I add...)

That’s when I started to hear, remember, & see that “The steps of a good man are ordered by God.” I started to realize that nothing about failing the bar was coincidental. I started to see how God intentionally allowed that door to close to teach me a few lessons. Over the next few weeks or months maybe, I’ll be sharing those lessons.

...but for now I’ll end it with this. 

Guess what else Michelle Obama and I have in common? We both passed the bar our 2nd time around...and I didn’t just pass. I passed with a score high enough to join any other UBE jurisdiction! Look at God!