"When I think, I thank..."

Y'all,

So, last week was emotionally taxing. Nothing in particular happened. My mind was just going bananas.

I started thinking about things that were so off-based. Like...one day I heard a story about a lady who had a miscarriage and then another day heard a story about a lady who struggled with fertility. I got sad and literally went into a mental frenzy pondering questions like:

“Will I be able to have children? What if I can’t conceive? What if there’s something wrong with my body right now and I have no idea? What if I wait too late to have kids? Should I freeze my eggs?”

Mind you, I hadn't been to a doctor, nor am I actively trying to have a kid. There was no reason for me to even go down that road mentally. It was ABSOLUTELY ridiculous!! My mind was running away from me (not the Temptations’ “with me” cause I was not with it. Ridiculous. Just absolutely ridiculous).

Now, take the anxiety and the random-ness of the “freezing eggs” thought and multiply it times 1,000 and that’s the level my brain was on last week. To add to that, I was really busy Wednesday through Saturday and y’all, I WAS PHYSICALLY TIIIIIIIEEEDDD!!! (“Tired” without the “R”) I ended up getting back to my apartment around 2:30 Sunday morning after making a quick trip back home and I contemplated on whether or not I was going to church.

Oh, I had a list of LEGITIMATE excuses. I had homework. I had work-work. I just finished a super emotional week and not to mention it was 2:30 in the morning, I hadn’t eaten, and I WAS TIRED!!! I was 2 seconds from forgetting about church and just sleeping my troubles away. I felt myself sinking lower and lower into a dark abyss with no means to escape. Here I was, again, in this state of sadness and anxiety.

I quickly realized, I HAD to go to church. I had to run TOWARDS God. If there ever was a time I needed him, I knew NOW was one of those times. I knew that if I pressed my way to assemble with my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ, God would make it worth my while...

…and He did.

Before the minister even started his sermon, he said, “When I think, I thank.” THAT 5-worded sentence was the reason I needed to go to church. He didn’t even preach about it, but that sentence in passing was soooooo very necessary. It reminded me of how to handle situations when my mind is going crazy.

Lamentations 3:21 says, “..this I recall to my mind, therefore I have hope.” BOOM! My thoughts have the ability to give me hope. I have the power to make my thoughts a highlight reel of every time God met me, outtakes of the times God didn’t do what I thought he should’ve done, or false previews of what may or may not ever happen.

I know you're thinking, "Yeah, that's easier said than done"...and I agree. It can be difficult to muster up enough strength to fight "our thoughts" and it's so easy to think ourselves into a depression. Nonetheless, we have to.

...and this is not to say that we're not saved or not Christians if we have "bad" thoughts. I refuse to believe that. 

2 Corinthians 10:5 talks about "casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ." You know what that tells me? There will be thoughts that contradict the knowledge of God. There will be thoughts that try to make themselves higher, bigger, or more important than they are. We don't succumb to them, though. Instead, we fight them, subjecting them to what we know to be true about God. 

See, that convo in my head last week should went like this:

Why are you worrying about freezing eggs? Did Sarah and Abraham freeze eggs? Is God faithful enough to finish what He started? If God calls you to motherhood (20 years from now), don't you think God will provide the way...his perfect way and not the way that you would prefer or think is best? First of all...You're 23 and you're thinking about freezing eggs?! Don't you have a case to read or some homework you could be doing? 

When our minds start to go hay-wire, we have to recall God's mercy, love, grace, and favor that he consistently shows us. When we think about our past, we should thank God that his grace and love was, and will forever be, more than enough. When we think about our future, we should thank God that he already has it planned out and it’s a freakin’ good plan! 

When we think, we thank! 

You are a child of God. He thinks good thoughts about you. So, there's no need to think bad thoughts about yourself or your future. It’s okay. You don’t know what’s going to happen, but you know who you belong to. You know his tract record…and sometimes that’s all you need know. That’s the revelation. That’s it.

Peace & Blessings,

- Court

SIDE NOTE: The title of the minister’s sermon was “The World Still Needs The Church." Even though he was talking about the world on a major scale, I know for a FACT that my world needs the church, especially then. You see how God works? Gosh, He's so faithful...