When leaving them on read isn’t enough…

I consider myself a super nice person. I really don’t want to hurt anybody’s feelings and because of my predisposition…….when I have conflict or uncomfortable situations….I tend to be rather sarcastic, passive aggressive or evading. I pick my battles and usually that means….I just opt to pretend like the situation doesn’t exist. 

Recently, I’ve learned…however…that’s not always best.

Quick Hypo:

So, have you ever had someone consistently ask you a question and you really wanted to say no but you didn’t wanna hurt their feelings so you just avoided their question? You know, left them on read….multiple times……but they didn’t get the point…and instead they took it as a challenge to be persistent.

Well…y’all….I tried the avoidance. I tried to “leave it on read” so to speak…..but I got to a point where I just had to let the caged bird sing. I tried to be as diplomatic as possible….but y’all…I was mad. I made a point within myself that THIS time…I’m about to be as direct as a deposit. 

…after that mini-episode I realized that my way of handling natural conflict was my way of handling spiritual conflict, as well. For example, when my thoughts get crazy, I just try to pretend that it doesn’t exist. You know…go listen to music, watch a movie, read, pray…something like that. When I feel myself sinking into that shame and defeat corner, I just try to find something to drown out the noise. In either situation, I hardly ever speak directly to my thoughts, feelings, or situations. I just…avoid them.

Growing up, I’d always heard the “Resist the devil and he will flea” scripture, but I’d always took “resist” to mean “avoid.” It wasn’t until I felt the freedom of being direct in the natural sense that I realized…resisting isn’t avoiding. In fact, it’s almost the opposite.

See, avoidance requires minimal action. In fact, it requires no action. Resisting on the other hand requires some type of opposition…action. One of the greatest examples of resisting the devil is Jesus’s response to being tempted by Satan. 

When Satan tried to get Him to turn stone to bread, Jesus responded very directly and told Satan what the word said. AGAIN, when Satan ignorantly “offered” the world, Jesus didn’t turn around and walk away. He spoke directly to Satan and told him “Get out of here, Satan. The scriptures say worship only the Lord God. Obey only him.” He didn’t “leave him on read”…..he was pretty straight up with his response. 

Jesus knew the art of being direct. He knew when to “call a spade a spade” and when to just…roll his eyes and walk away…lol….so to speak.

Along with the lesson of knowing when to be direct, it’s equally important to know when to let it go….or “roll your eyes and walk away.”

I’ve prayed for both wisdom and discernment and I think in my situation I described earlier, I could see both of those at work. I knew that the way the conversation was going, nothing beneficial was coming from it. That’s discernment. I was accustomed to “leaving it on read,” but in that instance wisdom stepped in and showed me that I needed to be more direct. 

That’s another lesson. Discernment and wisdom go hand in hand. One without the other leaves a catastrophic mess. It’s the equivalent of a Love & Hip Hop scene where a group is at a table and someone randomly reveals to everyone that one of the group member’s husband is cheating. Like….did you really have to say that….then? All the discernment in the world….but no wisdom.

(Yes, that was a terrible example…but you get my point.)

Anywho…..my continued prayed is that God will continue to give me deeper levels of discernment and wisdom so that, among other things, I will be able to decipher when I need to “leave them on read” and when I need to GO IN….gracefully and tactfully of course. 

That’s the end of the blog so you can stop reading...

...but..

Because I’m finna help somebody...lemme give the fellas some quick tips (this is free, btw):

• Fellas, if she ain respond, it’s not cause she ain see ya message.
• You’re single until ya married.
• Ya married until a JUDGE has declared you divorced. If y’all ain filed and signed DISSOLUTION papers, then y’all just having an argument. Go. Home. Roger.
• Persistence is admirable….but know when to ask, how to ask, what to ask, and where to ask. (All the more reason to pray for discernment and wisdom. Amen? Amen.)
• Be tactful. Making advances at close friends of exes is messy. Be classy. (Plus, it’s hard to un-see what has already been said…especially if your “rep” proceeds you.)
• If y’all ain cool-cool, make an effort to use proper grammar and punctuation...at least at first.
• Spell out the word “You.” It goes a long way.