I Failed The Bar: Lesson 2
As much as tough situations teach us about God, they also teach us about ourselves.
In a weird way, God uses difficult circumstances to sort of place this life-sized mirror in front of us, exposing things we thought were gone and revealing things that we didn’t know were there.
To that end, I’ve always had difficulties describing myself. I would use super vague, abstract terms. Without giving a second thought I would say I was passionate, driven, and persevering. I mean, those, to me, sounded like good characteristics to have. So, I sort of adopted them...although very superficially.
However, this is what I’ve found to be true. You never know how strong you are until you have to be (one of my college buddies told me that). Much like “being strong,” I never knew how passionate, driven, or persevering I was until I had to be.
I don’t know how many times I came to the threshold of giving up. Listen, after I failed the bar...I WAS OVER IT! I took off about a month or so to just relax before studying again, thinking once I picked my studying back up, I’d be rejuvenated and ready to go.
Child, the DAY I started studying again I don’t know how many times I stopped...just in disbelief that I was back at square one.
In nearly every study session after that, I experienced every emotion: despair, joy, distress, excitement, anxiety, nervousness, happiness...it was a mess.
It got to a point where, I had to have personal convos with myself every other day. Like:
“Look. You failed the test. You’re about to take it again. At the end of the day, you can make this easier for yourself or you can keep tripping. Either way you gotta study. So, what we bout to do?!”
....BUT this is what I learned about myself.
Lesson 2: “At the end of my distress, there will still be a yes.” (That rhymed and I wasn’t even trying to spit bars like that!)
In the Garden of Gethsemane, Jesus gave us the ULTIMATE example of being passionate, driven, & persevering...all while trying to avoid a really tough situation. Jesus prayed & prayed & prayed for God to elect another route for salvation, but in the end Jesus declares in the face of his contrary feelings and emotions, “Not my will, but thy will be done.”
How did Jesus go through the emotions and move beyond them to give God a “yes?”
He just kept praying.
I wasn’t even going to talk about this part, but isn’t it interesting that Jesus goes to God initially asking God to change God’s plan, but in the end Jesus, himself, is changed? A lot of times we think of prayer as an avenue to just dump all of our stuff on God. Now, while we can take our problems to God and be confident that He can and will handle them, before we say “amen,” we have to get silent and give God the opportunity to dump some stuff into us. We have to give God the opportunity to change us, to change our perspectives. God is the same today, yesterday, and forever. He ain changing. Us on the other hand....we need the changing.
Now, what I was experiencing with this lil bar exam was NOTHING in comparison to what Jesus did for mankind...but by having no other choice but to go at again, I was presented with my own little “Garden of Gethsemane.” I could’ve either gotten stuck in my emotions and feelings, praying those “let this cup pass” prayers, or I could’ve become that passionate, driven, and persevering person I’d previously labeled myself as, and trust that God would handle the rest.
THANK GOD I CHOSE THE LATTER! It turned out pretty good in the end...but not without a lot of ugly prayers and tons of silence.
In your own life, what are you choosing? Are you choosing to be led by the sting of the moment you’re in or are you choosing to give God your “yes” despite the distress? (Come on Barzzzz)
Listen, don’t ever stop saying “yes” to God. We might be perplexed, but we aren’t in despair. We might get cast down, but we will never be destroyed. Look beyond your contrary emotions and give God a resounding, “Yes!!”....a “yes” that forces your emotions to come under submission to what you know to be true about God....a “yes” so great and powerful that it allows God to deposit some stuff in you and reveal another layer of who you really are.
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Referenced Scriptures
Matthew 26:39
2 Corinthians 4:9
2 Corinthians 10:5
Hebrews 13:8
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